Even though I have made amazing strides towards accepting my ABDL-self the past few years, I still occasionally struggle with self-doubt. As such, I am grateful for reminders to accept myself and others for who they really are. Sometimes these reminders come out-of-the-blue.
Over the past three weeks I was in New York City for a huge work project with long hours. At the end of the project craziness, I arranged to visit one of my good friends, Tauvix, in upstate New York for the weekend.
At age 30 something, I had my first experience riding Amtrak. I felt my little emerge as I boarded the train and found a seat. My little loves all means of transportation. My favorite part was hearing the train whistle blow at the railroad crossings. It delighted my little-self every time the whistle blew as we progressed northward.
Why is it that I waited this long in my life to ride a train (subways excluded)? This was the first time I felt really little since leaving home three weeks prior.
Feeling little on the train ride and embracing my little persona throughout the weekend was just what I needed after such a hectic few weeks. I was able to laugh a lot and relax hanging out with diaper friendly friends. It was a refreshing change (no pun intended) from the previous three weeks of intense adulting. The visit came to an end much too soon.
When Sunday morning arrived, I tried hard to not think about how down leaving made me feel. Once I boarded my flight, I put in my earbuds and placed Spotify on shuffle. I was all too quickly on my way back home.
As the Boeing 737 lifted off the runway, I looked out the window to see if I could see Tauvix’s house or the park we walked through just the morning before. I started choking up a little and felt some tears welling up. While I was happy to be going home after the long absence, I was also sad to be leaving my friend.
I really wasn’t paying attention to the music at first, but a song came on that caught my ear. I played the song back a few times. The lyrics resonated with my emotions at that moment. There are some good messages that unexpectedly applied to my little side.
The song is “Stand In The Light” by Jordan Smith.
The song’s verses are excellent reminders for life, but especially for accepting yourself and others for who they really are. I wanted to share a couple of lyrics and my interpretation of them as it relates to my weekend with Tauvix.
Carry the music the memories and keep them inside –> This made me reflect on the past couple days with Tauvix and his friends. A reminder to keep these memories close.
Laugh everyday –> I laughed a lot over the past weekend. Tauvix’s friend, Mikey, made me giggle too many times to count. Don’t take life too seriously. There is joy in each day, seek it out.
Don’t stop those tears from falling down –> It’s okay to be sorrowful when a happy event comes to a close. It’s okay to feel; don’t suppress your emotions.
You get what you give and it’s never to late –> Cultivate friendships; love others and be generous. Start now if you haven’t already.
Reach for the branch and climb up leaving sadness behind –> Taking a leap of faith and being with good friends can be just what you need. Don’t let feeling of sadness keep you from experiencing life. It is the contrast of sadness against happiness that makes happy times more meaningful.
Fight hard for love. We can never give enough. –> Be kind to others and develop friendships. Support your friends and love the special people in your life with your whole heart. Life is too short to hate.
Riding the storms that come raging toward us. –> There will be times when life will go a little off the rails. Live in the moment knowing the worst thing is never the last.
The lyrics in the song’s chorus are:
“This is who I am inside
This is who I am I’m not gonna hide
Cause the greatest risk we’ll ever take is by far
To stand in the light and be seen as we are
So stand in the light and be seen as we are”
As I listened to the lyrics in this song’s chorus, I thought about my friendships and my ABDL side in general. I was disappointed to leave Tauvix and his friends, but grateful to have the opportunity to come and visit.
Lately I have realized that my deepest friendships have come from a community of others who are not afraid to stand in the light themselves. They are willing to be seen as they are.
If I hadn’t gone a little outside my comfort zone and introduced myself to a, then, stranger at CAPCon, I would have missed out on this friendship and this delightful weekend.
As we go through life, we meet lots of people. Develop friendships with those that aren’t afraid to stand in the light with you. While finding these authentic people may require you to go outside your comfort zone, the authentic, rewarding friendships are usually worth the temporary uneasiness.
One of the greatest risks we will ever take is to stand in the light and be seen as we truly are. The risk may be great, but life is too short to do anything less.
Here is the link to the official music video: